5 Things To Consider Before Telling Your Children About The Divorce

5 Things To Consider Before Telling Your Children About The Divorce

Ending a marriage or a long-term relationship is never easy, even when it’s the right path to take. For kids, however, the separation of their parents can be devastating. It is the end of the world as they know it, and it is critical for parents to be careful when they break the news.
Here are a few things to consider before telling your children about the divorce:

1. Talk about it with your soon to be ex-spouse first
The talk with your child about the divorce is not a talk you should leave to chance. Regardless of the circumstances of the breakup, whose fault it is or who initiated it, your soon-to-be-ex and you are still a team, and you are both responsible for the news delivery. Sit down and work on some ground rules before you tell the kids. Agree on what you will say and how you will say it. Agree not to blame each other, not to fight with each other in front of the kids, and not to pressure your children to choose sides. In case the two of you can’t stand being in the same place at the same time, you can have separate conversations with your children, but make sure you both follow the same rules.

2. Make time for the conversation
While you can never tell exactly how much time the discussion will take, make sure you have at least an hour locked out of your schedule, so you can give your kids time to react and ask questions. Don’t try the easy way out by doing it in the car on the way to daycare or school, or minutes before you go off to work. Don’t do it over bedtime, either. Give your child plenty of time to contemplate on the news and be there for them to show support.

3. Don’t tell it before it’s real
If you think you and your spouse might still work things out and if you feel that the two of you might even have a chance, don’t tell your children about the divorce. It will only scare them. When someone files then it is time to tell the children. Preferably tell them together. Assure the children that you are not divorcing them, and that you both love the children. (I know that this is easier said than done).

4. Routine is important
At a confusing time such as a parents’ divorce, children need to have substantial grounds they can stick to and feel stable. Maintaining routine is vital. Keep the kids enrolled at the same school, take them to the same sports and after-school activities, keep encouraging play dates with the same children they always play with, etc. It will help them understand that their world is still the same, and not tumbling down.

5. Be honest with your child
If you are sad about the divorce, it’s okay to let your kids see your sadness. However, don’t put the child in a position of having to comfort you. You are supposed to reassure them. You are the grown up here. Never badmouth your ex-spouse in front of the kids and never use the kids to spy on them or to pass messages to them.
Divorce is never easy, but you can make it as bearable as possible for your child if you do the talk correctly.

Know your rights. To discuss divorce or other family law matters call Debora A. Diaz at 727-846-1802.