Dealing with Divorce Through the Holidays
Holidays can be a difficult time for everyone. If we add the hardships of a break up of a relationship or a recent divorce into the mix, it can be an emotional nightmare to navigate. Remember the end of a relationship even if it was a bad relationship can be similar to a death. Sometimes people are just mourning the end of the relationship not necessarily the end of a relationship with a particular person. When everyone around you seems to be enjoying and basking in the holiday glow, and there is pressure to be joyous and grateful, grief can strike harder than usual. Here is how to survive the holiday season during a relationship breakup or divorce:
Take It One Day at a Time
Even though you might want to plan when it comes to the holidays, it is important to take those plans one day at a time. Break things down. You will not be able to adjust to your new life in a day, or a week, or even a month. It is perfectly natural to struggle with change, especially one so substantial such as the end of relationship or a divorce. Do not be too hard on yourself. Rely on your support system to carry you through the holiday season, and you will feel a lot better when it’s over.
Anticipate Problems
There might be divorce-related problems that will seem more aggravating by the holiday season, such as money or timesharing if there are children involved. If you have gone from two incomes to one, you might experience some financial difficulties, especially during Christmas time because of the pressure to buy gifts. Your family and friends are likely to be understanding if you cannot afford to go into debt to buy gifts.
Additionally, timesharing is something you will have to consider. If the children are with you during the holidays, think about the other parent in that situation. Consider letting the children call your ex-spouse or buy them a gift. Ultimately, it is in the child’s best interests to not feel like they have lost one of their parents with the divorce. It is never pleasant spending holidays alone, and it might be a good practice to treat your former spouse the way you would want to be treated.
Create an Agenda
Having a plan for all the activities and tasks you want to accomplish for the holiday season can be helpful. Do not put a lot of pressure on yourself. Try to let go of stress. Review what you want to accomplish and remove things that you really do not want to do. What is important? Time is one of the greatest gifts that you can give someone.
Make New Traditions
Perhaps the most challenging aspect of the holidays are the traditions you took part in as a family. After the breakup, the family unit doesn’t exist as it once did — but this gives you an opportunity to create new traditions with those that remain. Ask your children for input on what they would like to do for the holidays from now on and reassure them that the holidays can still be fun and heartwarming.
Replace Guilt with Taking Care of Yourself
Going through a divorce is challenging, so it’s imperative to take care of yourself. Try to avoid isolating yourself and spend some time with people you love. Let go of any guilt you may feel, whatever its cause may be. If you are feeling happy despite the circumstances, don’t fight it; if you’re feeling down, do something that improves your mood.
Holidays can make a problematic divorce worse, but they can also make it better. If you stay as positive as you can with the support of your extended family and friends, you can forge new traditions and pave the way to happier times.
Know your rights. To discuss divorce or other family law matters call 727-846-1802.
Written by Debora A. Diaz, Esq.