How to Protect Yourself When Divorcing a Narcissist

 

How to Protect Yourself When Divorcing a Narcissist

Narcissists believe the rules, even the law, do not apply to them. They enjoy the hostile nature of divorce and will manipulate the system in whatever way they can in order to “win.”

Narcissist: To a narcissist, divorce is not only a failure: but a dark mark on their perfect reputation. Because they cannot tolerate anything less than perfection, their coping mechanism is to place all the blame on you. It does not matter if they were the ones who initiated the divorce, even your existence is a reminder of their failure, and therefore you must be punished.

Divorcing a Narcissist: Typically, a divorce involving a narcissist is at higher risk of becoming highly conflictual. In these situations, it is necessary to look for help from a divorce attorney experienced in dealing with this personality type. You must be clear about what you are going to face during this procedure. Here are five ways to protect yourself from a narcissist.

Accept that narcissists won’t “get over it.”

Narcissists are not capable of empathy. They only care about their own needs. And during the divorce, they need to transfer the shame onto you. To prevent the mind games that narcissists often play, try looking for a therapist or counselor. They can teach you coping skills so you can deal with any emotional difficulties that will come your way.

Prepare for bad-mouthing. 

A narcissist will trash you to anyone who may listen: the teachers, the nannies, or family doctors. While you know that these attacks are the narcissist’s projections, and you shouldn’t take them personally, you should be proactive, especially if you are battling for custody. Make sure you show everyone involved that you are a responsible parent.

Bad boundaries 

A narcissist cannot accept limits. They can’t handle not being in control of every moment of the children’s lives, and they are scared that they will love you more than they love them. Their attempts to regain control will lead to dramatic boundary-breaking. Expect that they will try to tear you down, so be sure to keep your boundaries firm.

Consult with your attorney if you should get these kinds of issues and get boundaries written into your divorce agreement and child custody order. Also, notice a narcissist who has crossed the line to stalking or harassment. In these cases, issuing a Temporary Restraining Order may be needed.

Cyberbullying 

The emotional abuse usually continues via nasty texts and messages now that you’re separated. Keep your responses as brief as possible and try to limit your communication to a maximum of once a day. Sometimes the best response is no response.

You also may need to block them or, likewise, if this behavior appears to get to the level of stalking or cyber harassment, a law enforcement intervention may be needed.

You now get the role of hired help. 

You are not a co-parent anymore; you are now considered a nanny or a maid. Especially if you are getting child support, the narcissist can treat you as if you are his employee and must do as they say.

This is why getting it in writing is crucial. When divorcing a narcissist, an oral agreement to pay child support probably will not do. Having a court order can help prevent the withholding of payments.

Keep in mind that you will not be able to change your ex, but you can know what to expect so you can prevent the damage.

If you would like to discuss the specifics of your divorce or paternity case or need help with other family law issues call Debora A. Diaz Esquire at 727-846-1802 to schedule a consultation or use the Scheduling Link: https://deboradiazlawscheduling.as.me/.  At this time, all consultations are by telephone or video conferencing in order to protect our staff and clients.

Attorney Diaz practices exclusively in divorce and family law in Florida. Debora A. Diaz is also a Florida Supreme Court Certified Family Mediator.

Written by Debora A. Diaz, Esq.